Fall Pictures

Derrick's cousin is a student at Arkansas State University and studies photography, so I decided since I am so on top of things and have yet to have Wyatt's pictures taken that Kelsey would be a perfect fit for the boys.

We met up at my grandma's house and took some fall pictures in the backyard. I am so pleased with how they turned out. I'm pretty sure it helps to have unbelievably cute kids to photograph, right?

Today I Was A Good Mom

Today, I was a good mom. I was patient, I was kind. I knew this day would be so good from the moment I put a foot on the ground this morning. I took my boys for a trail walk that led to two different playgrounds. This was our backdrop.
We found dinosaur bones and Spiderman's webs. Did you know Spiderman lives in our town. Well, he does.
We laughed like we hadn't laughed in a long time. We got to swing and play and I even acted like I was a preschooler myself.
This little three year old even ran off in the distance screaming behind to me...."You're a great mom!" Oh, how I want to freeze that moment in time.
We finished with a picnic lunch on the playground before running back off onto the trail. I even had a protector walking right behind me....keeping me safe from snakes. Boy am I lucky or what?


I want to be this mom everyday. I love being this kind of mom.

A Quick List of What I Learned at Weekend to Remember This Weekend!

There is just OH SO MUCH that I learned this weekend, but I am OH SO AFRAID that if I don't immediately write down some of it that it will go the way of all things good and make like a bandit out of my brain while I tend to a baby with vomit and diarhhea. Oh yes, you read right...Derrick and I get back from a wonderful retreat alone and within 30 minutes our youngest is vomiting and has had blowout after blowout. Welcome back to the real world mom and dad!

But, while I was away at FamilyLife's Weekend to Remember I learned so much and I could do a forty page synopsis of the weekend...but I won't because then you wouldn't have any need to go yourself and it is definitely something that needs to be attended. So, I will give you what I learned this weekend in short list form. These are just the high points....

• My husband was my gift from God the day I married him. God entrusted me to him, my dad gave me to him and trusted that Derrick would take care of me, provide for me, protect me, and love me for the rest of our lives. What an amazing gift God gave me and it took me too long to realize just how much of a gift he is! And I am so thankful that my dad didn't just give me away to anyone, he blessed our marriage and Derrick has done all of those things that dad trusted him to do.
  
• Derrick needs and deserves respect. He is to be my number one, my most important relationship on earth. He is my leader and head of our home. I respect his leadership in our family and I will purpose to teach my boys just how important it is to step up and be the men of their homes, just as their dad is.
  
• In reference to the above statement...Derrick will be my primary earthly focus. My children will be second. I will invest time, energy, love, and attention into him. He will be there when my children are grown and out following God's plan for their lives. He will be my partner through life, and I plan on knowing him very well when we have an empty nest!
  
• My role is to be an encourager, nurturer, helper to my family. Do you know that Jesus said he would send the "helper" to us. He meant the Holy Spirit, ladies. And we are given the same title in the Word? Now, does that sound like a demeaning title to share with part of the Trinity? I think not! I will gladly accept that title. My children need to see me building their father up, they need me to nurture and help them. And I am up for that task.
  
• My children desire boundaries and guidelines. The thrive in this type of environment. I will provide those boundaries and guidelines in our home since I am the one who luckily gets to spend the most time with them.
  
• I will glorify God in my marriage and parenting. This is our purpose. This is what we are here for. We are to glorify God with everything we do. Fortunately at this season of life, my children are my mission field and I will glorify Him by loving my family as Christ loved others. I will put their needs above my own and always seek his wisdom in guidance as I commit my day to Him. I will teach my children about God, model Christ to them, and show them that I am not "all talk, no walk". My children will know what God means to me. He means more than they do, He means more than my husband. But He has given me the opportunity here on earth to invest in their lives and I will do whatever it takes to live my life to show His love to them.
  
• Lastly, I will leave a Godly legacy of marriage for my children. Derrick and I are both blessed enough to have parents that left us a legacy of marriage. As did our grandparents. And great grandparents. There aren't too many people our age that can say that. That legacy has given me the blessing of knowing what a relationship looks like that doesn't give up when things aren't pretty. I know there were lots of times our parents could have walked away and given up and probably thought lots about it. But they didn't. They chose to stay married and walk through life together. I am committing to leave a legacy of marriage to my children. I will do whatever I have to do to be accountable to God, Derrick, and my Christian friends to stay on mission in this area of life. A marriage covenant is something that can not be broken. It can only be broken by death. I would rather die than to walk away from that committment to Derrick. Strong words, I know, but I am serious with this. My children WILL be blessed by my legacy, just as I am by my family's. I am investing in lives of children, grandchildren, great grandchildren. People that may not even know me, but will one day write these same words about me.

My hope is that every single married/premarried couple would be able to attend a conference like this. Before we attended a broken couple, a couple who felt on the brink. We attended this year a strong couple firm in our committment to one another, but we received even more of a blessing this time. I'm so thankful to my parents who gave their time and energy to stay at our house and take care of Jackson and Wyatt. Those of you with young children know that this is no small task. I will be indebted to them for the rest of my life for lots of other things, but this weekend was so much more than just a gift to us. It was an investment in our marriage and I will be forever grateful for them. Thank you so much, Mom and Dad! The only appropriate thank you I can give is to glorify God and you guys in my life. You have given me so much more than just material things and love. You have lived out a legacy of love and committment to each other that I will promise to leave to my own. I love you and thank you!

The Weekend My Life Changed

Flash back to October 2007...I was trying my best to fulfill all that was expected out of me. Corporate Finance degree attained, got a great job right out of college, married, baby a couple of years later. Jackson was almost 18 months old and I was living the life of a working mom. I dealt with lots of mommy guilt, dropping Jackson off screaming, pulling at me with arms stretched out everyday at the daycare. I tried swallowing hard everyday, put my chin up..."suck it up, Cassie. This is what you do. You went to college to get a degree so that you could be successful in a career that you love. Lots of moms do this every single day. You can do it, just distance yourself. Try not to think of all the things you are missing. Try to go to your job and put in 100% when 150% of you was just dropped off with a college aged girl that didn't care that your child was a screaming, snotty mess." So, I do what I had to do in order to make everyone proud, get people's approval, get a paycheck so that I could enjoy all the great things in life, right? I found myself very unhappy though. Very dissatisfied, making choices that I knew were wrong down deep, but you just go and become a robot because that is what is expected out of you, right?

My marriage was suffering because I was bitter. My child suffered because I was short fused. I was trying to be super career woman by day...supermom by night. Doing just as all working moms do...walk in with a clingy toddler stuck to your side at 5:30...cook supper...laundry...clean dishes....clean child....bedtime for baby....fold laundry....clothes ready for the next day....collapse into bed only to do the same thing the next day. I got far away from God and far away from being what he called me to be. And I didn't see it until October 2007. I was in a place where I didn't really want to be close to Derrick. We didn't like each other much and I was pretty sure that we were just going to be miserable the rest of our lives because if this was married life then it was for the birds. And someone suggested a marriage conference that was hosted by Dennis Rainey's organization FamilyLife.

We signed up for the conference both thinking that we really didn't want to be there and would probably get absolutely nothing out of it. But we went. And all I can say is that from the minute I stepped into that conference room and heard the speakers tell of God's plan for marriage and his plan for me as a wife and mother...I was changed. I had Godly parents that modeled a great relationship, they never fought in front of us, and I had the "picture perfect" childhood. Really, I did. But for some reason I had no idea what it was like to do marriage. My mom worked part time as a nurse and was blessed enough to be able to work hours that my sister and I were in school, so we very rarely went to a babysitter. My mom was a supermom, she cooked every night, did fun things with us, went to Parent Teacher conferences and school functions, she ran our house like it was no big deal! And all I felt like at this point in my life was that I wasn't doing anything right. I was failing everyone and I didn't know why I felt so inadequate.

The Weekend to Remember Conference gave Derrick and I both some action points to focus on in our marriage. It helped him to realize how I work as a woman, and I finally understood some of what goes on in a man's head. I realized that the reason I had all of these conflicting feelings about work/home/life was because God didn't make me to be a woman that fulfills every aspect of her needs in life. I didn't depend on Derrick for much of anything other than a paycheck at that point. I was independent and felt as if I did it all by myself. And realizing through God's Word that He made me to be Derrick's helper, not his competitor was a huge breakthrough to me. I was made to be a nurturer of my family, not a breadwinner. Now, I know that there are some reading this that are in a position where they will think I am being insensitive to the financial needs of their family, or insensitive to their choice to work outside the home. All I can say is that I understand. I understand what it feels like to have to work. You think there is absolutely no way financially you can do it other than to work. I just have to say....Pray about it. I prayed so hard that I would be free from all of the burdens of working and that Derrick would give this precious gift to me. And thankfully he did.

We learned to readjust our thinking in so many ways. We adjusted our spending, we adjusted our communication skills, we changed inside and out. There are so many days when life seems so mundane teaching preschoolers how to eat by themselves, dress themselves, brush their teeth, and all the other 1500 things moms do throughout the day. But the other side of that coin is that I get to enjoy the quiet moments when Jackson asks about God and Jesus and Moses and Jonah. (These are pretty much the only people in the bible to him.) I get to snuggle up on the couch after lunch and breathe in their sweet smells of playing outside sweating and the morning breath first thing. We took a leap of faith, a huge leap. We thought there wasn't any way that we would be able to do this, but God blessed us. OH how he blessed us. I am learning to be the wife and mother that God called me to be and I although I have a lot further to go, he is blessing me over and above what I deserve.

I write this post to encourage people. Anyone who is struggling in their role, whether as a new mom who is discouraged with marriage and motherhood, or a happy couple that has been married for years but doesn't know how to adjust to an empty nest. Are you just looking for a weekend getaway so that you can refocus your marriage and familylife to the one who is most important in your life...your spouse? Are you an engaged couple who needs some premarital counseling and want to do your best to start your marriage off on the right foot? Well, FamilyLife's Weekend to Remember will not disappoint. It is a life changing conference. I promise that God will move and you won't be unaffected.

Derrick and I will be going back to this conference this weekend. It is something I am so much looking forward to. I am looking forward to focusing on my marriage this weekend. And very special thanks to my parents who agreed to come to my house and stay with my children so that we could attend. I can't even begin to thank them enough for this, what a sacrifice for them to bless us in this way!

For more info, you can go to FamilyLife.com and click on the Conferences tab. There are so many conferences all over the country. It's very affordable and it is such an investment into your future!

Pumpkin Hollow, Fall 2009

Ahh, the sweet crispness of Fall. Oh, how I adore fall, with all the pretty colors and pumpkins. The cooler weather and windows raised, finally able to use your oven again-ness of Fall in the South. There isn't one thing that's not to like about fall here, its just beautiful.

So, when my sister suggested we make a family trip to Pumpkin Hollow last Saturday, I jumped at the chance. We didn't take Jackson last year since I was massively huge pregnant with Wyatt, so we were super excited to get to see Jackson's reaction to it this year.
We were the first customers to Pumpkin Hollow for 2009! We arrived first thing that morning and dug into all the fun stuff there. We posed for a group picture, but Miss Kennedy decided she didn't want her picture taken. Here is my brother in law Jonas, with my beautiful niece Kennedy Grace, her beautiful momma and my little sister Kortnie, Jackson, Derrick, Me, and Wyatt.

We tried so hard to get good pictures of the kids on the pumpkins. They liked it for a minute...

And hated it after a while....

My favorite boys on the planet. Are they good looking or what? That's why I keep them around, they make me look good.

My sweet little John Wayne. No, really the kid loves Westerns now. He's always liked Bonanza, but now he and his daddy love watching Westerns together so this was right up his alley!
Grown men in little pumpkin trains. You just have to love what daddies will do for their children.

My little miniature John Wayne. No joke, this little man could have ridden that horse all day long. He loved it! Couldn't believe it! There is no way I would have gotten my behind up there on those things and both my children acted like they had done it their whole life.
Once again....hating the picture taking process....

Wordless Wednesday

 

The Nature Center

 
 
 
Have I mentioned how much I love having boys and all the fun things that come along with them? Like the snakes, frogs, and fish? It's great!

Hormones: Its what makes us crazy!

Okay, so in a span of three days I had my best friend and my mom ask if they had done something to make me mad...and then all of a sudden the explanation for all the irrational mood swings and weird feelings appeared. And all you gals know what that means. I have weaned Wyatt and my guess is that my body decided to unleash all the stored up hormones from the last two years. Wow I had no idea I could act so awful. Luckily this was the reason and I'm pretty sure Derrick isn't leaving me to get away from the craziness! Man, this woman stuff is tough...Dang that Eve!

Jam Session

Jackson has a newfound appreciation for Third Day. Derrick and I went to Third Day's Revelation Tour concert a while back and recently Derrick bought the cd. Well, Jackson's new favorite thing to do is to turn it up "really loud, momma" in the playroom. As I walked by the other day I discovered this....




Maybe he has a future in Christian Rock...

Here's Where I Bear My Soul

I feel the need for something more.

This is perhaps one of the worst selfish things I can imagine that would come across my lips. I have looked at this blog as a journal for my thoughts about my kids but instead tonight I turn to it for some sort of therapy. I love to write. I used to dream that I would write a book. I love to read and with every book I read, I feel like I could have written something just as good!

So, here it goes and please just bear with me on this because I just have to get it out for the whole world to read (okay maybe only my mom, dad, and husband who read this thing!) I long for something more. This is probably a statement that crosses many of our minds every single day we just choose to ignore it. Or we act like we would never think something like that while in secret we do! For those who know me, I love to talk. But much more than that, the people that know me know that I am a passionate person. I often fall into an extreme type A personality. When I get something in my head I want to research it to death and then be the best at it. So, when I quit my job/career/plan for my life I dream of being the best Stay at Home Mom that there ever was. I wanted to bake my own bread, I wanted to school my children, I wanted them to know scripture by the time they were two. I wanted to be involved in every church activity and make my husband proud. I wanted what was not possible. You see what I found out was that being a stay at home mom means frustrations with your children, frustrations with your husband, frustrations with keeping up with a house that seems to get messed up and dirty no matter how much you try to clean it. You try to fill your days with meaningful activities only to find that it is so hard to meet the demands of two little people AND get a shower before noon!

So, when I set out on this journey of SAHM-hood some 2 years ago I just knew that I could accomplish all I wanted and more! And just like in my career I would get a pat on the back, a JOB WELL DONE, a promotion, a feeling of accomplishment.

Well, that doesn't happen very often. In fact, most days are filled with disciplining children, wiping noses, changing diapers, feeding, cleaning up after diapers and lunches, keeping children from hurting each other, trying to fit some bible reading in, then finally trying to look presentable so that your husband comes home to a decent looking woman who needs to be sexy to keep him interested in this woman he married. (Yes, mom and dad, I did just say sexy.) Sorry, just skip this post if you would like to not cringe! :)

Being a mom is a lonely venture a lot of the times. Luckily I have some really great friends that keep me grounded and remind me when I need to be reminded that what I am doing has ETERNAL rewards. I am training up my children in the way of the Lord. The devil would love for me to "want more satisfaction" from the world and what it has to offer. The enemy would love for me to want a bigger purpose outside my family. He would love for me to want a job that I could clock in and out everyday and get that job well done that I kind of long for right now.

So, I choose to divert my mind every time that thought enters my mind.

2 Corinthians 10:5 (New International Version)

⁵We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

I will choose to set my mind on the hope that God has for my family and I. I will be obedient to Him and focus on what He has in store for me, and it is much more than an earthly JOB WELL DONE. It will be something like this:

Matthew 25:21 (New International Version)

²¹"His master replied, 'Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!'

And THAT is just what I need to keep my mind focused on instead.